Friday, December 07, 2012


Nowadays I don't feel like blogging. So little seems to be happening in my life.

Well, that's not true, strictly speaking. For instance, we just celebrated Sports Day at school. But the entire process of getting my class to go down to the field in a disciplined manner seemed an effort. Add to that, pulling up a handful of intractable ones who simply would not understand that being outdoors is not equal to Tarzanesque behaviour, sapped all my energy. Besides, the whole process of making them queue up, counting heads, getting them to board the schoolbus headed for Rabindra Sarobar stadium, ensuring that they sat down properly in the bus, distributing food packets, making them wait patiently in the hot sun for their turn to all seemed to have drained me of creativity in other areas. Finally, I was obliged to try the concept of 'positive reinforcement' on your best in the drill and you'll all get a well-deserved treat at the end. No, I haven't kept my word yet although I do intend to.

I was looking through a schoolmate's birthday album on Facebook yesterday and that led me to view some more of her albums. Which led me to the realisation that she was leading the sort of life I once aspired to. Working, interior decorating, baking and cooking, reading a lot, celebrating with friends, travelling through almost half the countries of Europe and others that do matter to us travel-lovers. I didn't browse through all her albums after all. I felt wretched and unhappy, as if time was spilling fast from one cup of the hourglass into another. And that I was not really as' liberated' as I had thought.

Travelling, I realised, makes me feel alive. As do the processes of baking/cooking and decorating my home. A routine job does nothing for my mental health although sometimes one doesn't have any other option. The fact that my friend lives abroad doesn't affect me in any way. I have lived in the USA for fourteen months and hated the east coast winters enough to curl up in bed and cry, wishing I were dead and gone or less dramatically, back in my own tropical climate (despite the equally repulsive Kolkata summers). The fact that the Recession coincided with my efforts to find a job after I got my work permit (in record time) did nothing to better the nature of the frequent rides on my emotional rollercoaster. And yet, here I am with a good job in a reputed school, a wonderful work atmosphere and a clement climate....moping.

I guess it's time I found some other outlet for my creativity.

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