Friday, October 23, 2009


When you have tried your 100 per cent to be your best self and no one acknowledges it.

When your family shows that they really don’t care about you as an individual.

When you have to justify yourself to people who you thought had at last learned to believe in your integrity and worth.

When you realize that however much you try to improve yourself, others will never let you forget your past.

When you realize raising your voice in protest against wrongs can be read simplistically and crudely as bad-tempered behaviour.

When you realize that love is futile, because blood always turns out to be thicker than even the most self-effacing affection.

When you have to struggle to survive, to establish your self on sterile grounds.

When you realize you are considered a burden, rather than an asset in what you had almost accepted as home.

When you realize that you have given up much of what really mattered for people to whom you don’t really matter.

When there are thoughts, wounds, tears you cannot share with anyone except your own little blog.


Monidipa said...

*hug* that's one of the fears i'll always, always have about marriage.

but we will all be through it, and live to tell the tale, though maybe not entirely unscarred. just stop caring about them so much, you know? this may sound selfish, but a little emotional detachment may help. just don't let their indifference matter so much.

A Bookworm said...

Cheer up woman! And SMILE!

Casuarina said...

@ Mandy : I'm trying, dear girl, I am. And I know what you mean, although I may be one of those unfortunate few who get too involved in what happens to them to react in direct proportion to their perceived worth on such occasions.

And yes, don't let me influence your otherwise positive attitude to marriage or life. I persist in optimism, despite such obnoxious occasional obstacles ! ;-)

@ Bookworm : I am smiling, right now. And it's all because of you guys...thanks for caring ! :-)

The Ketchup Girl said...

babe, u know what, all hell has broken lose- things are koving to the other house, there are movers all over my house moving cartons, but I HAD to post a comment here, before the broadband was taken off. YOU are precious, and unique, like everyother person. Don;t try so hard to please anyone. I know exactly how it hurts especially when u said- When you have to justify yourself to people who you thought had at last learned to believe in your integrity and worth- every word resonates with me and i have been there and felt that :). But it vanishes soon enough with love.

chin up, girl. We love you. :)

Casuarina said...

@ KG : Thanks,I feel so much better after reading your comment. It's not nice to feel vicariously cathartic, but yes, it does help at times ! :-)

Discovering M said...

oh its been four days since your post ! I havent logged in for a few days. I hope you have cheered up by now... but if you havent here is a *bunch of flowers* :)

Keep those spirits up !!

amit said...

Your thoughts are so poignant that I feel like trespassing into some private territory. But still I cannot help but comment.
Often there is a feeling that it is not the individuals who lack care and sensitivity but they are mere instruments of a world whose very nature is to be indifferent. Such a thought is terrifying but it is also consoling because it helps you to dispel any animosity. And remember that Sisyphus must be happy. So cheer up!
I recall the imagery of floating paper boats on teardrops from your poem "Timeless". How soothing is the profoundness of the thought.
By the way, congratulations on your publication in Palki 8.

Casuarina said...

@ Discovering M : Thanks for the flowers, they've done a lot to cheer me up ! :-)

@ Amit : Thank you very much , Amit, I totally get your point. Considering painful words and actions as resulting from a pre-determined naturalistic world does indeed allow us to disengage our egos of any malice and move on with wisdom, if not optimism.

Your appreciation of my poetry has both a humbling and inspiring effect on me. I'm glad you were able to sense and savour the nuances of my diction. Thank you !


Blog Widget by LinkWithin