Saturday, January 24, 2009

Trailing Clouds of Glory Do We Come...

I just woke up from a deep and refreshing nap, glancing around sleepily, tantalised by what seemed rather pleasantly different about today. I sat up and wondered. All of a sudden, a wave of happiness swept over me, washing out all pains and pinpricks from my past. I felt young and light-hearted, frivolous and frolicky, cheerful and tender. And then I realised the source of the subtle change that had been wrought in my mood. I had opened my eyes not to coldness and darkness but rather warmth and wistfulness...suddenly it seemed summer again and I was the self I had loved and proud to have owned possession to in the early days of college, in the early days of school, in the early days of my life when spring and summer seemed the only seasons of life and autumn or winter myths that existed only in a book.

What had happened to me in between ? The pressures to perform upto the expectations of my peers ? The wilful wisdom that had been imposed upon me by marriage and its myriad implications ? The troubles I had brought on myself by brooding over too many relations gone wrong, too many tensions not worth the terror of self-mortification over ? My vain notions of achieving valour, Atlas style, in too many circumstances that were beyond my destiny and strength to set straight or reverse the course of ? Maybe one of them ? Maybe all ?

Who cares ? Who indeed ? So long as I believe I tried my best to choose the correct path at each crossroad, I can go to sleep with a guiltless conscience knowing I've always been consciously conscientous ; I shall still hope to see, as I did today, another bright bold flash of gold as the sun disappears along the breathless horizon, breathing benedictions on all those who blessed its way and even for those unfortunate enough to have stayed on napping and missed the clouds of glory that trailed alongside, timeless and tearless, in its infinite, iridescent trajectory.

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